we accidentally imagine

seven.

fixed link mutable link

tangling wires into

these bizarre shapes, rugs

with strange colors and

melodies waitingly, taking deep

breaths before the speech where

we finally speak our

minds: "won't everybody

please, please stop this

cruelty? can't we see how

unnecessary it is?" some glass

window creaking under winds,

some oil spilled in a parking

lot. how again the why's and

who's before and after or some

some behind throughingly, a

manual for writers of research

papers about electrical

engineering and game theory,

complex analysis and early

marxist painting; the

walls of this place have

shoulders that are

sagging, somewhere in these

pages an actual answer to a

question that matters. a new pair

of jeans, a holiday

decoration left up for months, a

lightbulb which doesn't fit even

though we could have sworn the

size was right at the store.

color combinations making us

feel sick and wonder why we

care about the dissonance,

why we should prefer one to

the other. we conclude that

we're all just bits of air

moving with the waves of some

song we can't hear: now

banging on the wooddrums, the

thoughts and the doubts, hopes or

imaginations throwing fists at the

organ keyboard, some body of

loud waters, some

electrical structure groaning in

rains particles trapped in

the breezings, the sine

waves, the eyeballs thrown

left and right or up and down

or is that a sign of

happiness, of

peacefulness? who's to tell what's

harmony and what's dissonance?

who's to tell the words of the

song when each moment's just

a few bits of data? hard to

see the picture from a

pixel, hard to find the poem

through a word a letter an inkdot

the arounds and behinds

lost somewhere in the mix,

the breath being exhaled

before we even noticed it was

inside our bodies, each note

rising just a little higher or

just a little more like dirty

wallpaper: we ask each other where

it happened. where the

music got faster. where the

blue became green, where the

light was switched on and the

newer waves began to

interfere with things and distort

the shapes, canceling out

or multiplying or

performing more complicated

operations until the noise is noise

and the signal is noise and

the noise is still noise yet

somehow wider, more sideways

and spinningly and

uppingly and backwardly, more

harsh and out of sync, now neon

colorlines and batteries, strange

gaps in the spiral not

patterns but something about

them which makes us feel the

walls are moving further away

and the room is becoming

smaller, that one moment is

another and the second hand is

somehow different this time

around. we cannot help but go to

sleep again, this time with a

strange smile and already

looking forward to coffee. this

time with socks and a thicker

blanket. this time with the

windows open: and in comes the

cooler air.

four.

fixed link mutable link

it's hard to speak

sometimes. we are frustrated with

ourselves for our

inconsistencies once at peace and

allowing things to be just the way

they are and want to be,

always taking action and never

taking action,

leftandrighting with the leftandright

once again wishing things

were a different way or that

the coin had landed on the

other face; we can't figure

out who we are, and we aren't

quite sure if that question

leads anywhere hard to find

the energy to say anything,

too many responses waiting

behind each option which never

seem to go anywhere

positive, anywhere that doesn't

hurt anybody or dissipate

into the grass as if nothing

had happened in the first

place and we begin to wonder if

anything actually did or does

happen or if we had somehow just

thought it all up out of some kind

of desperation and

confusion aimed at nothing in

particular, cycles going back and

forth but never quite the same

way, always surprising

somehow and adding to the

confusion and lack of any sense of

place, the feeling that we are

nowhere and the feeling that we

are getting nowhere.

twenty four.

fixed link mutable link

they happens go from one

to the . and sometimes they

it and sometimes, and go

from and sometimes things

are, and and, and sometimes

it happens that and things

are not okay we things not

and sometimes sometimes to

okay are sometimes things

sometimes they they are and

sometimes it happens from it

happens that we go without

without the other other without

they are go things things are

they are are, and sometimes

it happens go from other

trying. and sometimes

sometimes things things are not

okay we and sometimes it they

the things are okay, and

happens without the even are,

and it happens one the. okay

and sometimes one to the

other without they and are ,

that go sometimes it happens

that we the other without

they are go trying, it

happens that we go the other

without even even trying. even

things even one to to other not,

they are, and sometimes from

one. okay,, and sometimes

are and we go without even

they are, and sometimes it

happens and other without and

sometimes things okay sometimes,

other other go from without

even trying are , they it the

even trying . and and

sometimes it happens that we other

other without not okay,

sometimes and sometimes

sometimes they are we go from one to

the. , sometimes are the

other without even. and

sometimes things are are,, and

okay , and sometimes they are

, and happens without.

and things are, and

sometimes that that, and

sometimes trying. and sometimes

are trying. and sometimes

things are, and and sometimes

one to without things are

okay, they are happens go one

to the other other without

even sometimes things are

sometimes sometimes sometimes

sometimes sometimes to from it

happens that we go are okay, not

things even one the the other

without without not are and and

things sometimes and

sometimes from it happens other

not and sometimes that we go

go from other without

without the other go from

without from other and

sometimes they are, and sometimes

it. and sometimes not they

they that without even

trying. and and other without

even trying and sometimes

and from we go that we go from

one to the other without

from from. the other without

even okay sometimes they are

, one to the other without

. sometimes. and they are

, and that without even

trying . and sometimes things

are sometimes they are go

one the we go from one and

things are not okay, and

sometimes they are

one.

fixed link mutable link

and just like that, the

page turns for us. the next

series of random numbers fill

the screen and we begin to

imagine dots and we begin to

connect them and agree and

disagree with them, relate to

them and question them and

share them. the page glares.

we glare. everybody is

glaring and nobody is laughing

and then one of us starts

laughing, and another one of us

starts laughing, and we are all

laughing and the paper is

laughing and the inkdots are

laughing: the numbers are

laughing too.

eleven.

fixed link mutable link

we keep asking

questions like “will this make me

happy?” when instead it might be

more interesting to ask what

it would sound like if the

leaves on every tree were poems

written on little sheets of

paper and everybody in the

world began to read them out

loud all at the same time and

then the wind began to blow

and the poems went flying in

the air all around and

everybody just watched it happen

in complete silence we

can't help but smile a little,

and then a lot. and someone

hugs the stranger to their

left and we all begin to

laugh. we ask ourselves

another question we can't hear

because of all the wind and

poems, and that's just fine we

realize we didn't want to know

the answers anyway when

there are so many confusing

and beautiful things all

around us anyway. we just keep

laughing and grabbing poems out

of the air, sometimes

deciding to read them and

othertimes using them as napkins.

the wind, the wind is

laughing too.

fifteen.

fixed link mutable link

tree some after options

impossible after options

impossible to options. we first we

as good seems least we

these different responses

responses, different responses

for different responses

different ways of dealing and know

why because one we one of

smiled? who don't know they

thought across a a thought hear

there were they didn't even

hear half half of it because

there were so many even hear

hear half even half of it

because there were so at once, a

different every single a so things

going once car car in behind

every car in once, car a

different in every single car in

this traffic jam , a

different in piano there. emails

just keep arriving just. but

there isn't. emails just

arriving and from these

branching out into, all these

situations branching out

impossible impossible going with

and seems just and that just

we the one we saw, as any any

least as for seems as, for for

for our instincts but left

them. circumstances

calling different ways of. we

are don't know why smiling.

we are smiling and we don't

know why one across who of

people they thought joke half

of it it because going once

, a different life story

every single car in in this

traffic jam struggle if there

was the sky keep arriving

ever real into

possibilities fanning fanning out

into some out possibilities

some options with the we saw

one we seems going as good as

any one we saw as good as any

for

five.

fixed link mutable link

quietingly, the

softmurmurs not trying to say

anything in particular or

convince anyone of anything,

prefering to let things just exist

the way they are and stay the

same when they need to stay

the same and change when

they need to change, or not

even need to stay the same or

need to change but maybe

instead want to stay the same or

want to change, or rather: it

just happens. it just

happens, and it keeps just

happening. the softmurmers not

even speaking about what's

going on or what's not going on

but instead just

mentioning about whatever is on

their mind at that moment,

letting it out and letting it go,

the sound waves not

disappearing but echoing off a

thousand surfaces and every

blade of grass, split and

muffled and distorted and

echoed until they sound like

dead trees, the sun pushing

the waves around a little

through the screen door, gnats

in the air just sort of

moving around.

six.

fixed link mutable link

silence and quiet now. a

small voice humming and

laughing in the other room. a

crystal or some melting snow.

behinds toward while again

around where's or why's while

leftandright shrinking silently. a

wooden creak. a scratch. all

centers things happening all

around, things just happening

and just being the way they

are. and we realize that this

is a beautiful thing. that

this is a beautiful thing.

seventeen.

fixed link mutable link

an old black and white

laser whatever those glass

bowl going where get their

bottle looking right sunlight

or fluorescent water.

how's between colorshades

and or or thismomentingly

longer than its own color onto

nearby surface important some

with printed out and jet

printer , whatever that means,

glass, not the their melodies

, their rubbing

glimmering or fluorescent

flickerings or lithium for water

how's between and something

or something cereal,

casting while light reflects

nearby desk surface, some with

colors and some printed black

and white meaning not going

anywhere in melodies tinkling

bottle looking with . the

lithium different asking like

something or something an ,

expected somehow while the light

reflects its color the nearby

from some so much and drawn

out from an means, whatever

those. marbles going wonder ,

bottle with the sunlight

uncharged this different subject

matter like it were or

something thismomentingly

cereal, in its own color,

papers scattered some drawn

paintings and some printed laser

meaning going anywhere in

seeming to where the or rubbing

the eyes so or uncharged

batteries . lithium looking for

different between something or or

old expected own color onto

the walls the papers from

months so much some with

blindly an old black and white

printer, whatever that in a, not

the birds get their. the

dark so batteries. water

asking between important or

something or thismomentingly

longer

twenty nine.

fixed link mutable link

suspect nobody is if

they . we scheduling and be

one thing out in place when

in without, just going by

and going straight on to the

next word with it going . and

at how absurd it is we the

two things happening at

time if time nobody is they

were to write things down as

they listened . start (not

about scheduling start

thinking worrying might be for

breakfast in place particular

sense to begin by the bounces

through our just going. we

suspect that

thirty.

fixed link mutable link

. can't we these every

minute or second a to our ears

which so so much like why we to

begin are able to we laugh. we

wonder what might next,

changed over or if really

changes are you ?” and you ?” and

we are know we. to cry laugh

see why these aimless

minute like is

nineteen.

fixed link mutable link

the corner of the room

empty except for the little

grooves in the floorboard, we

smile. the moments going and

going in such a beautiful way

that we can't take our eyes

off it, noticing just how

inconsistent things are, how blurry

and arbitrary the

differences seem between things and

people and ideas, how musical a

painting can sound the ink never

seems to dry.

ten.

fixed link mutable link

we ask ourselves some

question we can't hear, muffled

because our heads are

underwater, this cold sensation

pressing on our foreheads while

we feel our socks becoming

heavy, cottonfibers grabbing

skin and dragging behind our

feet, cold passing between

our toes. maroon painted

walls and a thick sweater,

crinkling plastic bag full of

snacks. we notice it is becoming

later every moment, and that

as soon as we count one

number there is another in

front of that, always room for

another one or zero or eighty

seven or pencilcase

dirtyshoe, these power outlets

rusting over even though we

can't see where the water

could have come from fading in

the carpet telling which

way people walk most

without asking why they walk it

so often when it seems

there are so, so many other

ways to go and that this way

isn't even the easiest or most

efficient or beautiful or

surprising: they are taking the path

because it is the path they take,

and we can't help but

laughalittle at how beautiful that is

not to say that one is better

than another or that anyone

is wrong for going the way

they do or that we think we are

better than going that

particular way to the couch, but

that we know in the end we are

going to go that way too and

that's just fine. it's just as

good an option as any so we

don't see a reason why not it's

beautiful enough and it's

surprising enough and that itself

may be the most beautiful

and surprising thing of all

at the moment.

twenty five.

fixed link mutable link

every repetition

getting a little more accurate,

a little faster and with

fewer mistakes. the

conversation going on outside

becoming heated while we do our

best to pretend we aren't

listening.

eight.

fixed link mutable link

we accidentally

imagine ourselves as having for

a head this strangely

shaped box or a bird feeder with

a triangular roof or

something similar and we are

sitting in the front passenger

seat of an old car and someone

we care a lot about asks,

who are you? and we

think for a minute, and then

another. we aren't able to answer

with anything except a held

hand, and we somehow find

ourselves caring more about them

just because they asked.

they can't answer either,

and the grip gets tighter

and they aren't making eye

contact but that's okay because

we aren't looking anyway

and we are both these

strange wooden boxes attached

to bodies, heads without

eyes which still say so much,

eyes without laughinglines

which always find new things

to smile about an itch

behind our ears, the way this

piece of paper falls on the

ground, the sound of an overhead

lamp switching on laughing

about nothing in particular

and everything in

particular, wanting to want

everything and wanting to want

nothing, to feel everything and

to feel nothing, or at

least something the grip

getting tighter and we remember

how okay it is, how

beautiful it is and how funny it is

that poetry and music might

be the same thing after

all, that hiding is okay

sometimes and being naked is okay

too, that sometimes things

lead to other things, and

sometimes they don't, and

sometimes things just happen and

they keep just happening and

they don't stop. they don't

stop and it seems like they

never will, so it starts

making sense to just accept

this and close our eyes and

smile a little but somehow

this feels impossible. we

get frustrated and start to

do things we don't want to

do, blaming other people

for things nobody had

control over in the first place

and jumping to conclusions

and making assumptions

about other people and their

intentions and what they want or

what they are afraid of. we

forget that they are us, that

their grip is getting tighter

and that nothing is okay for

them either. we remember

that their boxy head is

crying and we have been trying

not to notice. we remember

that we are all the same

person born into different

bodies, and that this is a

beautiful thing. this is a

beautiful thing.

two.

fixed link mutable link

because the longer we

stare at the details, the less

we are sure they even

matter.

twelve.

fixed link mutable link

we never seem to notice

the changes until they've

already happened. or at least

they are well into

happening. we wonder why that is:

the clouds evaporating and

the sun coming out, the air

getting so slightly warmer; a

single row of bricks painted a

different color. who the behinds

through before how's and where

when whenever the

againagain the words repeatingly

as we notice a little

cottonfluff drifting toward us. it

sticks to our ink, and we ask

again where meaning comes

from. a million coins being

thrown every instant, fields

of possibility so

terrifyingly wide staring us in the

eye so intensely we have to

look away and we notice this

little bug just flying around,

landing, and flying around

again. flying, landing, and

flying around again.

nine.

fixed link mutable link

we are breathing. and we

are still breathing. one

thought and another passing by

in the street while we ask

ourselves if this is going

anywhere if we should instead be

focusing on something else like

the way the smoke is

drifting away from the incense

stick, or the sound our eyelids

make when we blink. is there a

place for rushing anymore?

the softmurmurs again,

reminding us about our breath: and

a little blue bird lands

on the windowsill. it is

singing.

twenty seven.

fixed link mutable link

our foreheads outside

we breathe and hands hands

now now small dents in the

floorboard caused each from every

on scratch on the face of

someone we the face of someone we

care , behind the desk

happened, the desk , if sort on

their own we their own for a

like we are floating and feel

are floating the incense

incense our in in our be breathe

hands now we floorboard and

and groove along groove and

caused each groove walls

wooden walls every each knot in

the each knot in the desk

happened, if someone it on sort of

happen on somehow. like we are

floating the is it warm open and we

in what caused each from

what caused of paint and

paint every every freckle

paint panels and walls of

paint someone how the desk

happened, , if someone these

things just if these sort sort

of own close our our

outside our in that feel

stinging sensation now we notice

notice small the floorboard

and they and and what the

wooden panels panels and the

wooden panels and caused and

the and walls paint and

scratch on panels and scratch

twenty eight.

fixed link mutable link

our sitting place comes

walking now comes walking comes

, don't see looking away

it's okay anything , can just

we walk out of doesn't

matter glance at the clock

wonder if it's eight yet, it

isn't it notice behind us, and

that our shadow is in us . us

around into different shapes

we . lead well legible so .

we were smudges make us

somehow misread a word or and

help us think would be

appropriate. we question the for a

moment to the wind and feel the

sun warming anything,

really anything could or

couldn't prepare the sounds

people these people we've

never and conversation,

never met conversation

destination to types of hats these

little motions forth without

leaving without of permanent

mark because even any going

back and forth without

leaving roads and roads of

permanent mark because even

because things collapse and

what always the cloud a in a

cloud of leaves could need

some need or urge to grow to

grow in way that these grid

patterns a that these grid up when

from below . and now comes

walking our , so so they don't

don't us and that sometimes

it's be know really. matter

another thing happens which,

thing happens which doesn't

at the , glance at the if,

and we notice that the us ,

and strange looks when the

wind moves shapes but ink it

to the paper and remains

perfectly legible. that the

smudges might a two and

technique of a the relevancy

moment, we close just wind and

airplanes listen wind and

airplanes and feel this just

anything wonder anything wonder

if anyway to the these

we've , destination as they

explain they explain they

learned about the about so .

events and eventually were

always . we try to figure of

leaves come from , whether

there in such a come up at the

branches from below. and now

comes we don't look up look

maybe they that be ourselves.

twenty two.

fixed link mutable link

and another not? the we

lean aware are aware our

actions but try try not to fuzzy

against the and just breathe

where , the second we breathe

for a while longer and bird

voices buzzing inside all

these we hear all these

acoustic vibrations buzzing

inside our chests and making

but making. making

combination combination

combination making we lean our

inside the actions but notice

the just by again and and the

sun we this sort buzzing

vibrations and warmer but more okay

. more combination

making one making one? the

vibrations more quiet trying to. we

. sounds. the sun not

outside where these angles for

angles a while and making we

keeps making

twenty three.

fixed link mutable link

, a some after another

the and falling smiles the

hugs, timer keep pretending

not to notice. circles of we

hear muffled we can't help

moment the piece of whole room

can somehow feel and don't

or not but don't would

happy more on arm and through

music keeps trees around and

we keep instant we able,

what every around staring us

in away, which wood is so

trees turn we wonder in the to a

without bricks clinging glue,

after another the opinions

and falling into same,

keeps ticking and best.

circles of ink going around on

voices from the other can't

sixteen.

fixed link mutable link

we forget ask forget

funny but smile isn't isn't it

smile coming back on these

colors back smile when the the

sun starts coming of whose

right cue shades colors

colors lines

twenty.

fixed link mutable link

sticks a everything is

so sound outside

slowmoving how we remember why,

maybe, but for now it, but we

don't we for now we don't .

remember why, don't and it, for

like it of damp sticks, it

does. of outside of damp

sticks from outside notice how

everything pink we remember why,

but don't stay like this ?”

and it while ?” this ?” and

stay like this for ?” for once

the sticks from everything

remember for now we don't. “can ,

but for now while ?” and, for

while like

eighteen.

fixed link mutable link

systems all around us

and our lives fracturing

breaking apart piece by piece as

we keep trying to glue

things back together with

words and theories and poems

and cathedrals

architectures in the mind and and later

in concrete, we begin to

feel jittery as we realize we

haven't stood up in hours, this

chair and its arms a little too

narrow, pressing against the

sides of our skulls, plurals

and singulars not having so

much significance to us now

when the lights are

flickering so subtly. we pray but

don't know who we are praying

to who we are praying for,

what we want, what we should

want. fading. fading.

twenty six.

fixed link mutable link

the thoughts

interactions.. spray all ideas and

interactions interactions and while

just other things making and

relationships pushing to and dominoes

and relationships other

the geometries and fall

dominoes direction fall in the

wrong going the wrong

direction. not going seem to to

fall in always in pushing

buttons and each other

relationships pushing the wrong

direction. we the point. and

interactions. concrete, all these

watch and it all just happens

outlines with outlines of

squares shapes trangles,

making themselves themselves

up behind each of shapes

sort of making and

relationships pushing buttons and and

seem wrong going the but

maybe expected or intended,

way. fall in pushing always

the geometries and

relationships pushing buttons and

wrong direction. way

intended that could be the point.

goals sneaking again. ideas

and interactions colors

while these watch with

outlines of of things squares of

making things of things,

themselves up behind each

geometries seem to fall in the the

wrong or intended , be the

expected or that or. goals

sneaking but maybe that intended

, but maybe or intended,

way we the into the the

thoughts again be goals sneaking

into into the and concrete,

all these while we colors

while we watch outlines of

squares happens shapes sort of

other things, trangles into

making themselves other and

relationships fall in the buttons seem

the wrong direction

dominoes which the geometries to

fall direction. not maybe

that could be the point..

goals sneaking into spray

spray all these and ideas

permeating while we watch with a

while we watch just happens

trangles, shapes sort of each

dominoes which always not not

going the way we expected the

but maybe into

interactions again again. the point

that intended, be . spray,.

the into into

three.

fixed link mutable link

how did we get here? the

questions which keep making their

way inside our mouths as if

we never could learn from

the last time we couldn't

answer and instead only become

more unhappy and began to

throw things at the walls with

some inexpressible anger

screaming and shouting with a red

face and bulging veins,

fists again and again against

the door not even caring

what's on the other side, too

caught up with the idea of the

door being there in the first

place another why and another

if causing the lights to

flicker and the stove to begin to

smell like something is

burning so we all try to remember

what we had done in the

kitchen last but we can't

remember, and even the attempts to

remember make us shout with fewer

words, make us scream with our

fingers and pound harder and

harder on the door while the

wood is splintering here and

there and the doorframe

appears to budge this time or

that time or this time again

and again and again

zero.

fixed link mutable link

and all at once things

are so quiet, a tiny hiss

from the walls, distant

clanging of a ventilation fan. we

breathe with the sunlight,

passing clouds causing these

little pulses in the sunglow

and somehow we feel it in our

toes even though we can't

quite tell why the wind

chooses the pitches it sings

against the window, why one

harmony should point to

another, why every story has some

sort of climax where

elements and trajectories

culminate into some bigger thing

as if we had been heading

there all along as if there

were some kind of purpose

behind the penscratches or

where this leaf decides to

fall in this rotting pile we

notice a pain in our lower back

from bad posture and some

strange sense of pressure from

the bottom of our right foot

now the ventilation fan

slowing down into a periodic

banging; we notice a coin lying on

the ground but we can't make

out which side it landed on.

do we care? is it good to

care? would it matter if we

knew? we are staring at the

coin and the coin is staring

back.

fourteen.

fixed link mutable link

stays seems seems to

agains wind. agains the a we or

to while behind and a eyes

again with questions how to

see under a color clock

seems with those usual clunks

with with those clunks and

little fingers and little

little fingers and woodenbits

a counterpoint .

conversation stays stays nobody same

really seems to the to about.

agains the wayingsong a the,

and, a beforemaroon, the

see under how to we are stuck

it seems be working to

usual with those woodenbits

little fingers and we suggest a

we suggest a counterpoint

. and

twenty one.

fixed link mutable link

we wonder what would

make us happy, what would

make this headache go away

which keeps distracting us

from everything going on the

scratching pens and observations,

a quote out of context we

leave the incense burning

when we go to sleep even

though we know it's a fire

hazard and it puts our lives in

danger and the lives of all the

other people living above and

below us, and all of the people

we know and the people who

care about what happens to us

even though we never asked

them to. we wonder why it

should matter that something

happens to anyone, we wonder why

we care. and everything is

so quiet.

thirteen.

fixed link mutable link

we wait for a few minutes

and wonder if it would be

okay for us to ask now: "is

this beautiful?" we wonder

if nobody noticed and we

watch the air just sort of move

around through the leaves. we

take another breath with the

sunlight and feel warmer.

throughs and arounds

behindingly the now nowing while

again the time continues and

stops and continues again.

circles of ink we close our eyes.

thirty one.

fixed link mutable link

call society on

everyone even when or why they are

we and we ourselves don't

quite or why the with about

wooden cabinets and why they

are so a explain a thought

build a chord when it seems the

sky desks. different make

up for think. the. the

illusion we are reminder a grain

of a library where every

book is in a different

language and there are don't

things for have names even a; we

are not sure if the

shuffling feet a a librarian down

is down is we long time in

seen in a long remember even

though

we accidentally imagine

by andrew yoon

we accidentally imagine

by andrew yoon

seven.

four.

twenty four.

one.

eleven.

fifteen.

five.

six.

seventeen.

twenty nine.

thirty.

nineteen.

ten.

twenty five.

eight.

two.

twelve.

nine.

twenty seven.

twenty eight.

twenty two.

twenty three.

sixteen.

twenty.

eighteen.

twenty six.

three.

zero.

fourteen.

twenty one.

thirteen.

thirty one.